My Speech Test Made My Teacher Cry...

This is the last week of school and I had three tests this week. The written one was on Monday and today I had a spoken and listening test.
I didn't know there was going to be an actual spoken test, but I guess it is to be expected in the end of a language course!
I was asked the basics like where I live, how long I have lived there...what do I like about the area, what do I do on the weekends and so on.
Then the fun part. I was given a black and white photo of a couple eating dinner in some posh restaurant and some suggestions on what to say were written on the side.
Describe what they are doing, their personalities, what they look like and their conversation.

After doing all that but their conversation part - my teacher asked what are they talking about?
Initially I started with :

His name is George and he is 35-years old and works in the hospital as a doctor. His wife Lisa is 30 and she's a teacher... they have been married for four years.
They are at a restaurant in Italy which is beautiful and very hot unlike Finland.
Lisa is eating chicken pasta and George is eating potatoes and beef.
They are drinking white wine.

Here's the conversation -picture deep manly voice for George and a soft high pitched voice for Lisa:

"Moi, Italia on kaunis!!"- Lisa
"Joo, sin� on kaunis my�s!  Haluatko menee katsoo elokuvaa?" - George
"Joo!  M� haluan katson 'N�lk� Pelit'" - Lisa
"Um - m� en.  M� menee baariin ja m� odotan." - George
"Oh....George -m� haluan lasta!" -Lisa
"Um...m� en. Mutta ehk� ostamme koira??" -George
"Ehk�...mutta m� haluan on vauva!!!" -Lisa
"Sin� nimi koira 'Vauva'"- George
"Ei sama. M� haluan eronut!!"- Lisa
"MIKSI?!?!"- George
"Koska m� haluan vauva ja m� nukkun sun velje� kanssa!"- Lisa
"Mit�?!?!"- George
"Joo!! Eilen kaksi vuotta...."- Lisa
"No niin!!...m� en tied�!!!!"- George
"Joo....heippa hei."- Lisa
"Heippa."- George

After changing my voice - my teacher jokingly suggested we record the conversation I make up and play it for the class later...
By the point I got to "M� haluan lasta!" - she had tears down her face and couldn't stop laughing...

Here is a translation of what I said...I apologize for the spelling errors and in-correct grammar above!

"Hey, Italy is beautiful!" - Lisa
"Yes, you are beautiful also/too!  Do you want to go see a movie??" - George
"Yes...I want to see Hunger Games!" - Lisa
"Um - I don't.  I'll go to a bar and I'll wait." - George
"Oh...George - I want kids!" - Lisa
"Um - I don't.  But maybe we can buy a dog?" - George
"Maybe...but I want a baby!!!" - Lisa
"You can name the dog 'Baby'" - George
"Not the same.  I want a divorce!" - Lisa
"WHY?!?!" - George
"Because I want a baby and I'm sleeping with your brother!" - Lisa
"What?!" - George
"Yes for the last 2 years..." - Lisa
"Oh well...I didn't know!" - George
"Yep....bye bye." - Lisa
"Bye." - George

After all this - I said I was done and she thought it was hilarious but very dramatic.
I told her it was the "Amerikalainen versio" - (American version)....I made a reference to Jerry Springer but she didn't get that part.

I think I passed.

"He's Not a Finnish Baby!" - a Doctor Appointment...

I realized today that I don't blog a lot about my kids' experiences here...I suppose that's for a few reasons:

A) They still don't speak (3.5 years and 1.5 years old).
B) It's the same thing everyday - wake up, day-care, come home, playground, eat, pee/poop/shower, scream/fight, sleep....

But a couple days ago - we had quite the doctor's appointment - I cannot resist sharing this...and I'm sure my 1.5 year old won't mind...and maybe he'll laugh at this when he gets much older....

It took me forever to finally remember to get an appointment for Ahti - just his 1.5 year check up...I always missed the slim window of 1 hour from 12pm-1pm because I was in class at the time or the line was busy and I had to get to class after my lunch break.
Well, I got in - 2 months after that phone call.

June 26th - a few days after returning from our hectic Wales/London trip (still working on that London part of the post!) - we're lying in bed and sound asleep in the morning.
The kids were staying home from day-care because Tim's supervisor was visiting and wanted to have a playdate with all the kids some time that morning.
What a treat to sleep in!!!
Suddenly, my phone buzzes and I look at my screen - and it says:

"Ahti Doctor Appointment 8:30 am

In 3 minutes - Snooze or Dismiss?"

I instantly jump off the bed (which was a child's top bunk) and rush into the main bedroom screeching for my husband to wake up.  What are we going to do?!  We cannot possibly get there on time - without a car, a shower, waking the kids...lots of curse words were used by me....
I tried calling the Neuvola nurse we have and she was busy working - nobody answered.

I quickly messaged a different Neuvola nurse (an awesome friend of mine) and she gladly changed the appointment time to the next day...

PHEW! My heart was pounding like a horse race track!

So the next day, we kept Ahti home from day care and made it to his appointment 25 minutes early.  And he was asleep...alright - 25 minutes nap is better than none right?...WRONG.

We had a different nurse take his basic measurements and he freaked...full out screaming and fighting and throwing his soother and any toy across the room.  BUT!  She got his measurements.

We had a bit of a wait for the doctor - so he played with toys and ran up and down the hall and was quite happy.
Then we went into the doctor's office.
The thing with Neuvola doctors is that they are usually quite young (not saying they're not in-experienced!), don't have kids of their own (which perfectly fine too!) but you never get the same doctor when your child has their yearly appointment.
Well, the one I got was both very young and her patience was low...granted, it was near the end of her work shift and having another screaming child (and one that can run at that!) probably didn't make her day any easier.  (Sorry!)
She checked his profile and in that 30 seconds time span - Ahti discovered she had a cupboard of toys behind her desk...specifically - 2 trucks.
She tried to check his eyes and he sat still for about 20 seconds and was more interested in the cars...I was tired of getting bopped in the face with these chunky cars and she couldn't get the light in his eyes properly anyway.
Then he started to scream....so after 5 minutes (or was it more?!) of chasing him down - she suggested politely:

"I need a break and maybe Ahti does too...how about he goes to play in the play room and I will take another child in...then I will come back to you?"

Yep - fine.

We went back in afterwards and he was calmer and happier and instantly went back for her two trucks...she wanted to test his pinching reflexes...I jokingly pointed at my arm where I had a bright purple bruise and said "Oh no worries - he can pinch!"
She smirked a bit and wanted to see him do it with a bead on a short piece of string.  Of course, the trucks take priority and she got frustrated quickly that he wouldn't take it from her.
I suggested she put it in the dump truck, because then he'll give it back to her.  She was fairly skeptical but did it and ta-da!  Ahti picked it up (pinch-style of course) and said "ES!" and gave it to her...she did it again a few more times and was pleased with his pinching.

We tried the eyes again - because she was looking for a reflection of the light in his eyes - should be red apparently...and couldn't find it.

"Well, it's hard to find this red light - because you know...he's not a Finnish baby..."
"Huh?  Do you mean his eyes are really dark so you can't see this light?" -me
"YES!  His eyes - the pigment is so dark...I can't see this light...but maybe it's okay because he can clearly see - he's running around and driving the trucks.." (and not bumping into anything was my thought)
A part of me wanted to say "Oh but he is � Finnish!"  but his file probably says he has a Canadian dad... 

"So!  Let's look at his belly and I have to check his testes and everything..."
**Cue my 1.5 year old stripping....I told him we had to have a diaper change and POW!  He's wiggling and pushing his diaper down and running 100% buck-naked.**
"Well....um...I have never had this happen before!  He must like being naked!  This will make it so much easier to check his stomach!" -her
"Yes, well - you have to catch him...that part isn't easy.." - MY TURN TO SMIRK!
Between the two of us - we manage to tackle him down and she quickly presses everything and he is laughing and trying to smack her in the face with a truck....
Then while he's still running about (still have to check his little boy bits) - she's laughing at how fast he is...and he started to head towards her chair (you know - the office type with fabric...)...and I say, "Oh - by the way - he's not potty trained yet...so we should finish this quickly - just in case!"

Well, that wiped a smile off her face pretty quickly.
Nothing happened - but you never know!!

Anyways, the final verdict was that he's growing well for a boy his age (and probably for a non-Finnish kid) and the red light in his eye thing...well, she's going to e-mail some eye doctor and explain our situation...and see what they say.

"But I looked at his notes and the last doctor could sort of see a very faint red line....and it's obvious he can see....so I think he's okay..."

Such comforting words to end an appointment....

So this appointment started at 1:20pm...and we did not leave until 3:50pm....we should have been out within an hour maximum....or even 40 minutes!

Until next time!

Ch-Finn-glish.

Yesterday had to be one of the most weirdest days since living here.
How weird?

I was in a grocery store dining area, located on the bottom floor of Sokos - having some sushi (don't waste your money - it's not all that great...and yes, I was desperate) and my youngest guy was happily snacking on some Karelian pies and bananas.
An older lady with her bags and walking sticks stopped by and I thought she wanted to coo at the little man - which happens a lot - and instead she asked me if I understood: "___insert some Mandarin in here while gesturing at your food___".
I had no idea what she was talking about and told her so.
"I'm sorry -  I don't understand," I said politely.
Well, I apparently committed a hate-crime against myself and all Asians around the world because I did not understand her very nicely spoken and accented Chinese speech.
"You don't speak Chinese?!" - lady is slightly upset...
"No, I'm sorry I don't." -me
"You're from China aren't you?" - her
"No, actually I'm not.  I'm from Canada." - me
"WHAT?!"
"Canada..." me - with a mouthful of sushi then repeating myself after I managed to choke that piece down.
"So... not China?" - her
"Nope.  I'm Canadian." -me
"Ohhh" - and she hobbles away quickly.

I think she was embarrassed because she spoke Chinese to someone who LOOKS like they should understand her and then maybe slightly confused by how Canadians can look Asian.
Who knows.  But I felt like I was being interrogated and accused of lying about being Canadian...
Oh and she was Finnish.

Then to add to this already strange day - a few minutes later while waiting for the bus - an Asian lady sat beside me...and kept looking at me while I was looking across the road, or at my son, or anywhere but in her direction.
I tend to have bad luck when Asians stare at me and I actually start a conversation with them here in Jyv�skyl�...
So she finally got the guts and asked me about the baby in Finnish.  I did some quick thinking and counting and managed to give his age in Finn-glish and explained that I have a double stroller because my oldest is in day-care (also in Finn-glish)....
She must not have picked up on the English part of the "Finn-glish" because she continued to chit chat to me and I am super happy to say that I UNDERSTOOD her!
She then asked where I lived but I didn't know the word "asun".  So I pulled out my Finnish/English dictionary from my back pack and she saw the cover and said, "OHH puhun englantia?"
"Joo.  Puhun englantia ja v�h�n suomea!" I said proudly!  (Yes, I speak English and a little Finnish).
Then she just ranted like wild about the Finnish learning program and I just smirked at appropriate places, smiled at semi-appropriate places and nodded my head a lot and said "Joo...niin." (Yes...indeed.)
Thankfully my bus came by 2 minutes after all this because the Finns standing around us were starting to get a little offended by her loud whisper-bashing of the Finnish language/culture.

And finally...I had to change my dentist appointment since hubby had a Finnish lesson himself during that time and when I spoke with the receptionist after greeting her, I asked if she spoke English (in English).
"No." - clear and for sure...
"Oh well, I can't come to my appointment today - can I change it to next week?" - me.  Yes it seems silly but I didn't know how to say any of that in Finnish...or in Finn-glish.
"Yes, what's your name?"
So after a couple minutes - my appointment has now been bumped to next week some time.
But she didn't speak English...

Not Your Typical Hair-Cut

A few days ago, I realized that I have not made a hair appointment in over a year.
Since then, I have had awesome and thick pregnancy hair - then after the baby came - well, my hair was falling out in massive handfuls (seriously).
Fast forward and I realized that yes, it's from the hormones of still nursing my little guy and lack of proper care for my hair!
Yes, I wash and condition on a regular basis - but sometimes it need more than that.  Especially since I lacked any kind of shape or style by this point.
I looked like the girl from the Grudge and a mop...just to give you an idea.

So I went to the lady I normally go to and she's not open on the weekends unless you book by appointment - fair enough.
I had made an appointment yesterday when my friend was getting her hair cut there and I popped in this morning and it was so nice to not have the kids with me....

Okay - onto the hair cut.

She skipped washing my hair since I just did it and as she was figuring out what style I wanted (just layers and maybe side-swept bangs but not sure at that point) she started to snip away.
Then we started to chat...you know how you chat to your hair stylist or barber...typical conversation normally includes some or all of the following:

• The weather
• Recent vacation or holidays
• Children
• Pets
• How long I'm living in Finland
• School or work
• Sometimes politics
• General news or worldly news events

So we tackled the weather, the lack of sunshine this past summer, the lack of vacation and then we got onto the children part.

"How are the boys?  I haven't seen them in a long time (snip, snip, comb, snip, snip)" - her

"Oh they're doing great.  V's starting day care on Monday - very exciting...and I'm a nervous wreck!" -me

"Oh is he speaking yet?" - her
I thought she knew through mutual friends about V's diagnosis of autism but I guess they stopped going to her for their hair appointments - sooooooooooooooooo...*insert awkward moment*.

"Nope - but we're working with a speech therapist.  He'll have an assistant at day care and he's been diagnosed with Autism." - me

"OH that is too bad!  When was he diagnosed?.." - her
Me jabbering about appointments while she's snipping and assessing her work /my head...

"Well, have you ever considered a miracle?  I mean taking him to a prayer meeting or gathering - the power in a miracle has no explanation and no scientific proof..."

Once again, I am NOT knocking down anyone's beliefs or religions - this is purely my random experience while living in Finland that I am writing and sharing for all of you readers to enjoy.  Take it for what it's worth.

I pause and think carefully before speaking and I am hoping that my face doesn't have a "WTF where did that come from?!" look on my face because my glasses are off so she can cut my hair without having to work around them.

"Well, no I haven't to be honest.  Have you had one of those experiences?" I politely ask.

"Oh yes!  I went to a prayer gathering because my skin was so painful and my neck was so sore...so I went to a Church and I was a bit late but they asked me what I wanted to pray for.  So I told them about my neck and they touched it and there was heat - a lot of energy and I fell (she looks at me sheepishly) and felt instantly better!  The pain was gone and my son could NOT believe it!" - her

"Ohhhh - so just like on TV??  It really works - how interesting.." I try and end the conversation at that.

She continues on for a bit and then here's the kicker.

"Well, maybe the prayers could help to get rid of the autism or ease it in some way...Because the doctor told me I would always have this thing on my neck and it's gone.  Miracles DO happen you know." - her

I was stunned and shocked and a little hurt.

Yes there are a great deal of people who are following or practicing a faith and that's fine.  And I KNOW she had only the nicest intentions by that speech/comment...but I just felt like she stabbed me in the neck with those scissors.

Almost like, "Your child has a disease so ask God to help out and if you really believe - then he'll grant you a miracle and you'll have a normal kid like everyone else."

Anyway, I just nodded and said I would think about it and left it at that.

A blow dryer, no bangs (my choice) and 30� later and I was out of there.

Probably for good.  She just lost a customer - which is quite unfortunate because she's really nice, gives me great hair cuts and is chatty enough that I am not bored sitting there.  AND she speaks perfect English...and so does her American husband (whom I've met briefly once) - who is ALSO a hair stylist.
And yes, she attends Church (Salvation Army) quite regularly from what I understand and has suggested I go to some event the last time I got my hair cut...I politely declined and thought nothing of it until today.

And the hunt for another hair stylist will probably commence in another year and a half when I finally realize how awful my hair looks....

Duh Moment 5387

A few nights ago, I was riding my bike.  I only practice REALLY late at night to ensure that there's less cars, usually nobody out and no loose dogs running around.
(I'll put a "Night Rider" chapter on this blog soon - as I've had several "interesting experiences" since learning how to ride my bike.)

Anyways, I was slowing down while approaching my building and noticed in the distance, under the street lamp and by the dumpster in my back yard - that 2 people were totally having "fun".  Replace "fun" with another 3-letter word and you get my drift.
WHAT THE HECK is going on?! is what I'm thinking...as I get a little closer (so I can lean right and turn into the front yard and thankfully park my bike for the night) - they stop and stare at me.

OMG - they think I'm a Peeping Tom or something, I instantly freak and pedal super fast into my not that short drive-way and slam on the brakes, park and lock my bike and rush upstairs to tell the husband there must be a drunk couple going at it in the yard.

I sneak a peek from my bedroom window and see that the movement has slowed down as if they're rushing to get dressed and run away.  Good idea!

The only thing I could do was update my Facebook status to : "Eww, I think I just saw 2 people going at it in the backyard by the dumpster and under the lamp!" or something like that.

Well, while out with my dogs tonight, I saw something again.  Except there was no movement and again, no sounds.

Apparently there is a huge bush/plant thing with pink-ish kind of flowers hanging over the fence behind the dumpster (so it looks like faces beside the dumpster at a much lower level) - and that was the couple I saw the other night.

Yes I do wear glasses and yes, I need new ones apparently.