Domestic Aids

One of the most amazing things/people I have experienced while living in Finland are the "Domestic Aids".
Finland really seems to care about the families that live here and they offer a wide variety of different support.
Every time I went to the Neuvola for my oldest son's check-ups, the care-giver (nurse) would ask how I was doing because V was giving us such a hard time most of the time.  (We found out almost 2 years later it was due to Autism but anyway, extra frustrating when you DON'T know!)
"I'm tired...I'm frustrated that nothing is getting done in terms of cleaning...I can't take him to play dates because he screams so much and I am embarrassed because it doesn't stop!" were my frequent responses.
She suggested that I get help with the cleaning or with the baby-sitting through the city.
I kept saying that I would look into it but honestly, I never did.

I have a friend who lives nearby who used to work for one of these agencies and she was telling me all kinds of things about her job, like:

• Sometimes the mother is so tired from being awake all night - I just play with the baby so the mother can sleep.
• I got to play with some little ones today so the mother could go out and get groceries...we went for a walk or I took them to the playground...
• Today I cleaned for some senior citizens...
• I just read a magazine because the baby I was watching slept the whole time - but at least the parents did not have to worry about the baby and they could rest and spend time together.

 Surely I wasn't at THAT stage that I needed someone to watch my child sleep so I could get groceries?!
I was totally in denial and you would be too.
Day-care is expensive in North America and finding a baby-sitter last minute can be hard too - and we have dogs as well that are super friendly but can come off as intimidating until you meet them and give them a chance (aka 2 seconds of your time).
And V was clinging to me for 9.5 months before finally I realized - we hadn't had a date in that span of time!
AND I am a naturally messy person anyway....so why pay someone to clean my mess?  I'm in my 20's - not 4 years old anymore.  I should be more responsible and CLEAN more - maybe embrace it so I can fully appreciate the results!

I continued to deny the help offered - even when I became pregnant with the second child and even after he was born.

Then one day a psychologist told us (it was during V's assessment for behaviour and Autistic traits), "There is nothing wrong with asking for help.  You pay them based on how many hours you need, they only work during the day and not on weekends and I'm sure we can find you someone that speaks English and doesn't mind bigger dogs.  It's not considered charity or welfare or anything "bad" to get them to help you with what you need to do."
So finally I made a little confession in that room and I whispered, "I can't call them because my Finnish sucks and my home is constantly a mess because I never can clean it..."

Within a couple hours of leaving that office - I got a phone call from an agency made up primarily of 3 young women who literally LOVE their jobs and kids and didn't mind if our home was a mess, loved dogs and spoke English to some level.

Your total household income determines how much you pay and if a certain amount is not made per month (also have to divide this income by total amount of family members living in this household) - you may be eligible for free services.
Bear in mind there are limits - you can't have 4 hours away from your children everyday kind of thing - but your agency you deal with can give you more information.

How has this affected us as a family?

• I'm so much calmer and relaxed - even though I do not sleep while the kids are gone.
• I am doing much better at cleaning and laundry.
• My husband and I had a lunch date and did some shopping together without ANY stress other than the pouring rain...
• I was able to do a bit of reading or some crafts...
• The dogs got some attention without us having to dash quickly to catch our oldest from climbing a book shelf or desk...
• The husband was able to get a lot more reading and writing done as well.

And if you're wondering, this was based on 3 hours a week.

Thankfully because the husband was in Germany, I asked for some more time - just an hour or two a day so I could take my dogs out and they happily obliged.

The agency cannot automatically give you whatever hours you want - it has to be approved first by the city (or someone...).

The ladies have all been fantastic (3 women run the particular agency we are with and have extra workers) with our boys and patient with us as we come to terms with leaving our children with complete strangers so we can clean and catch up on work-related things....and we did lose our chart once!

Every time a sitter (or cleaner) comes to help you out - they have to sign a form with the date, their names and how many hours they provided.  Once this is complete (based on how many hours you were given) - then you sign the form and they take it back to their office.

TRY NOT TO LOSE IT.  Thankfully, we are not the only ones!

So if you feel overwhelmed with your new baby or your children and chores and lack of time to just chill out - PLEASE get help and do not be scared or ashamed.

This can make a huge difference between losing your mind and having a whole cranky household - to having a few hours to catch up on sleep, bills, work, studies, cleaning - and having a more relaxed atmosphere in your home and relationships.  Not just with your partner or spouse but also with your children...

Hope this helps.