You're probably thinking that the title of this post is some sort of bar-fight kind of joke in Finland.
No it's not - sorry.
A couple of days ago, my husband returned from Germany and I instantly rushed to catch the bus so I could go downtown and relish in my freedom from the children and the dogs and pick up groceries for everyone. Exciting - I know.
As I rushed to the bus stop nearby an older gentleman was standing near and backed up - perhaps out of politeness or perhaps out of pure fear of the crazy lady speed walking with a strong look of determination on her face.
He then decided to sit beside me and I had about 7 minutes to kill, so I began to crochet.
DM (Drunk man) didn't smell too badly of booze but his bag he had contained empty bottles and eventually he struck a conversation up with me. I think he was asking if I was from Japan.
I apologized and said I don't speak Finnish.
"Ohhhhh you speak English?" he says in a rusty voice that has been abused by too many cigarettes and booze.
I nod, smile and get back to my crocheting.
He starts another conversation, asking if I was knitting a "pipo" - a winter cap or "toque" as Canadians know it...(This was in Finnish).
I shook my head and said hesitantly, "Ei. Takki?" (No. Jacket?)
He nodded and smiled and I think asked if I had kids or was expecting one (gee thanks) and I said, "I have kaksi poika" (I have two boy). He nodded and smiled (I was crocheting a pink sweater for a tiny baby so obviously it's not for me he figures) and asked how old they were.
"Uks poika on kaksi vuotta (one boy is 2-years old) ja uks poika on kymmenen (and one boy is 10)".
He looked me strangely because it's odd that I have a 2 and 10 year old - then I motioned low to the ground and said 10 again in Finnish and said "vauva (baby)".
Months is a hard word for me to pronounce but he figured it out.
He then decided to show off his new sneakers and talk a bit and the same story to some other lady waiting.
Unfortunately, he didn't have enough money to get on the bus so I never saw him again.
Fast forward a couple of days and I finally get the call from the doctor about V's knee x-rays.
I managed to make out her name (Helena) and that's it. She is literally waiting for me to tell her why she is calling me.
In the mean time, V is out the door and rushing through the parking lot...and I'm on the phone trying to get V to a speech therapy appointment...and bring the stroller and make sure he doesn't get killed.
"Are you a doctor? I asked for x-ray results." -me
"Yes.............................................(about 5-10 seconds pause) I am a doctor............where did you have x-rays?" -her
"At the hospital!" (DUH?!) - me
"Oh......................................I don't see you visiting or having x-rays....."
"NOT FOR ME! My son! (insert name)" - me
"...............................................What is his number?" - her
This is the fun part. Everyone in Finland has a social security number made up of their birthday and some combination at the end. This identifies you and is used for EVERYTHING:
No it's not - sorry.
A couple of days ago, my husband returned from Germany and I instantly rushed to catch the bus so I could go downtown and relish in my freedom from the children and the dogs and pick up groceries for everyone. Exciting - I know.
As I rushed to the bus stop nearby an older gentleman was standing near and backed up - perhaps out of politeness or perhaps out of pure fear of the crazy lady speed walking with a strong look of determination on her face.
He then decided to sit beside me and I had about 7 minutes to kill, so I began to crochet.
DM (Drunk man) didn't smell too badly of booze but his bag he had contained empty bottles and eventually he struck a conversation up with me. I think he was asking if I was from Japan.
I apologized and said I don't speak Finnish.
"Ohhhhh you speak English?" he says in a rusty voice that has been abused by too many cigarettes and booze.
I nod, smile and get back to my crocheting.
He starts another conversation, asking if I was knitting a "pipo" - a winter cap or "toque" as Canadians know it...(This was in Finnish).
I shook my head and said hesitantly, "Ei. Takki?" (No. Jacket?)
He nodded and smiled and I think asked if I had kids or was expecting one (gee thanks) and I said, "I have kaksi poika" (I have two boy). He nodded and smiled (I was crocheting a pink sweater for a tiny baby so obviously it's not for me he figures) and asked how old they were.
"Uks poika on kaksi vuotta (one boy is 2-years old) ja uks poika on kymmenen (and one boy is 10)".
He looked me strangely because it's odd that I have a 2 and 10 year old - then I motioned low to the ground and said 10 again in Finnish and said "vauva (baby)".
Months is a hard word for me to pronounce but he figured it out.
He then decided to show off his new sneakers and talk a bit and the same story to some other lady waiting.
Unfortunately, he didn't have enough money to get on the bus so I never saw him again.
Fast forward a couple of days and I finally get the call from the doctor about V's knee x-rays.
I managed to make out her name (Helena) and that's it. She is literally waiting for me to tell her why she is calling me.
In the mean time, V is out the door and rushing through the parking lot...and I'm on the phone trying to get V to a speech therapy appointment...and bring the stroller and make sure he doesn't get killed.
"Are you a doctor? I asked for x-ray results." -me
"Yes.............................................(about 5-10 seconds pause) I am a doctor............where did you have x-rays?" -her
"At the hospital!" (DUH?!) - me
"Oh......................................I don't see you visiting or having x-rays....."
"NOT FOR ME! My son! (insert name)" - me
"...............................................What is his number?" - her
This is the fun part. Everyone in Finland has a social security number made up of their birthday and some combination at the end. This identifies you and is used for EVERYTHING:
- Kela card
- Application papers (even day-care)
- Insurance
- Residence Permits
- Bank accounts
- Cell phones
- Etc.
So - it's pretty simple - first numbers are 03.
"Zero, three (insert remaining numbers)" -me
"...................zero................" -her
"Yes, like "oh" or 'zero'" - me
"Yes, like "oh" or 'zero'" - me
"............................................................zero.....................hmm............Ok I say 1,2,3 you stop me. 1..........2...................3........." - her
"Nalle!" me desperately trying in Finnish - Nalle is Winnie the Pooh...it should have had a more "o" sound instead.
"..........zero..........." -her
"LIKE NOTHING!" - by this point I have captured V and strapped him in his stroller and am hoofing it down the road to the therapist's office.
"OH! Zero - yes I understand!"
She tells me after that she will call the nurse and call me back.
By the time she does, the phone reception is bad in the office but I manage to hear her say the x-ray results are okay.
I just wanted to know if it will affect him in the future but I guess that's out of the question because she called from a central number in the hospital and they never called me back.
So, in short - the drunk understood my Finnglish (excuse the poor spelling above!) and the doctor did not know the word "zero". A friend pointed out that everyone knows "zero", especially "Coke Zero" - but if she's a doctor, she probably doesn't drink it. And YES I realize English is not her strong point but most doctors here DO speak SOME level of English...
And this is just another one of those "experiences"....
